I got a bull recently.

This is not a metaphor.

He hangs out around the house, eating grass and glowering at the neighbor kids who try to pet him. But mostly his job is to gore me to death.

Sometimes it’s because of my lazy parenting. Other times it’s because I got into an internet argument. It’s always really painful and I have to keep this special cleanser in stock for the stains.

Today it’s because I remembered an opinion I used to have. I was 18 and just started college, so I had pretty good reasons to be dumb, but man. I didn’t know anything about anything.

The certainty of youth is intoxicating. That mixed with my priority of something being funny over it being true led to some dumb ideas.

Anyway, the bull is here, so I’d better hurry up and get gored to death. He gets mad when I make him wait.