Emperor Palpatine shuffles onto an empty stage.

Lights, please.

The lights dim and a single spotlight shines like a halo on the Emperor.

And there were on the same moon Wookiees abiding in the mine, keeping watch over their ore by night. And, lo, the specter of the Empire came upon them, and the glory of the Death Star shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And I said unto them, “Yes, show me your fear. For behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to those who obey. For unto you is brought this day on the supreme weapon of the Empire a motivator, which is Vader the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Sith Lord wrapped in mechanical clothes, lying in a kind of dome thing.”

And suddenly there was a multitude of stormtroopers praising me and saying, “Glory to the Empire in the highest, and across the galaxy order imposed on men.”

That’s what Life Day is all about, Darth Vader. Heh, heh, hehhhhhhhhhhhh.